Fear Release and Advoacay: Why it's important for your vbac

We are so grateful to have a special friend, Ali Levine as a guest writer for this blog. Ali is a Certified Trauma-Informed Breathwork Coach. We know you’ll love reading as she shares the details of her first VBAC and how she overcame fear through faith and breathwork. And be sure to check the end of her story for all the ways you can connect with her!

Let’s go back in time. It was late February 2020.

The height of the world upside down. Chaos everywhere. Fear everywhere. Partners were removed (I lived in California), my doula was removed. I was told I’d be lucky to have my VBAC with the way things were going.

Everything was uncertain. Minute by minute things changed. The amount of phone conversations I had with my doctor could have been its own mini reality show! Seriously.

And man, the number of emotional breakdowns I had in the midst of it all…

God was in the middle of it all. Every cry, every meltdown, every moment, God was there… telling me to BREATHE. Not giving into my anxiety. Not giving into my thoughts and the stories (and there were SO many stories around me at that time). My nervous system was a WRECK. In every storm, God would bring a little light. I’d walk into my appointment after weeks of cancellations due to COVID and protocols, finally getting to see my baby and see my doctor. All to have an intense conversation that would send me in a tizzy and my nervous system into intense fight or flight.

And this continued for months, and the saving grace that God kept teaching me every night was to get in the bath, surrender it to him and breathe. It became more than just a few breaths, it became actual God centered breathwork. Where I was having a living, breathing conversation with him and releasing my fear with each breath and being renewed with God’s spiritual oil as I’d inhale in. WOW!

I would have never believed the peace I experienced or the GOODNESS I felt, had I not gone through it myself! And btw, if you don’t know me or much of my story, just know I was a Hollywood stylist in LA for many years.

This girl never took a conscious breath.

I didn’t have a relationship with God and I had no idea how to slow down, to pause, to surrender. Surrender? Haha what was that?!

I knew how to go go! To always anticipate the next chaos. I was a mama to my one sweet girl at this point and I had SO much trauma locked in from my C-section and just so much my body was holding! UGH.

And I had no idea at this time btw, that my body was holding so much and I had so much to heal. All of it was keeping me in fight or flight and really keeping me from thriving. Living in survival mode. Finding a little bit of relief all to go back to the old patterns, old habits and just a MESS! I finally had enough and God told me I had more healing work to do before having my beautiful second baby girl, and I wanted my VBAC so badly I was willing to be obedient. So I started doing online sessions and WOW! When I tell you that I FELT CHAINS come off me, emotional chains, heavy, heavy emotions lift off ME, I literally felt like a brand new woman. In my mind I couldn’t believe it. All I was doing was breathing? But I was fascinated, and God told me to continue and to practice breathing daily. So I did.

As it grew closer to Arley’s due date and the medical system had me on a ticking time bomb to say the least, I was “OVER DUE” the fears, the intensity were kicking off again.

I remember that 40-week appointment, and my doctor made the joke that he was going to come pick me up physically to take me to the hospital for an induction. Let’s just say I was not thrilled by any of these “jokes.”

I already had my parents, friends and so many others online asking when I was going to go into labor! What is it with people when you’re pregnant, and you’re like a ticking time bomb to them and they are all up in your business and calendar? I know it’s out of love, but gosh ya’ll, I have to say it does take a mental toll!

If you’ve been pregnant before or are currently with everyone around you asking questions, just know you’re not alone. Definitely create some boundaries, sacred boundaries, I like to call them. To maintain your sanity and your space, sacred boundaries are needed. Even the people that love us the most, can be overwhelming for our nervous system. It’s just the truth!

Alright, so let’s go back to 40 weeks and everyone wants me to have an induction but…

I had done SO much mindset work, body work. Between chiropractic, acupuncture, and daily breathwork, I was not willing to just give up.

I trusted my body, I trusted my baby and most importantly I trusted God.

I had faith stronger than I ever had before, and I was willing to let myself go until my body went into labor.

All I wanted was my VBAC.

Well, Friday night that following week, after a much needed fun family dance party with my hubby and toddler Amelia, I started to feel like something shifted. I had prodromal labor for a few weeks so I wasn’t sure at first but it really felt different. By the time everyone was in bed, I totally crept away for a snack, (cause why not) and boom. I felt it — this intense cramping, but it wasn’t cramping going down my stairs it was a contraction! And OH this one had fire! I crawled up my stairs while breathing and ran my tub with some hot water. I called my doula and slowly filled her in on what was going on. Stacey could already hear it and told me to be calm, get into the bath and breathe and she would count and see where I was. I got into my tub breathing, doing my Hypnobirthing, applying some of my VBAC fear releasing techniques, and just consistently going deep with my breathwork.

Next thing I know, I am riding the waves, I’m feeling SO good and baby girl is definitely making moves!! I felt SO confident!! Best feeling! After a few hours go by or something like that (lost count), Stacey yells into the phone, “ok it’s time to get moving for the hospital! You should be transitioning soon here, I can hear it in your breath.”

I was so in my zone I had no idea. This is the POWER of our Breath btw!! And having a calm nervous system.

So this was pretty funny (little side note!): my husband Justin was snoring and in our bedroom like not even 700 ft from me and I’m yelling to him best I can and he’s not hearing me. I’m doing my best to stay calm. Finally, Stacey calls him and gets him up. He comes running into the bathroom to help me get out. I’m starting to shake. Stacey comes zooming over, God love her, to watch Amelia while she’s sleeping because we literally had no one due to lovely COVID, and our neighbor wasn’t hearing our calls, she was asleep, as it was the middle of the night. So we quickly get me into my husband’s truck and ya’ll, I’d be lying if I didn’t say, I lost my breath and focus. Bumpy roads, bright lights, Justin driving super fast from the valley into the city to get to Cedars-Sinai. It was a lot! By the time we got there, my nervous system was rocked. Then I had nurses in my face trying to shove masks on me! Nooo thank you! And temperature checks, and hellooo no personal space.

Finally we got to my room.

My husband got the lights low, I got my meditation playlist, I started doing my breathing and I was back in my calm space.

Now, Stacey was on FaceTime to help guide me virtually, God bless her. Everything went back to progressing, I was fully in labor and things were happening!! Woohoo! My body was doing it! Confidence level was at 100% right here!

We did a little of walking epidural to give me a little more time and stamina because I was losing energy and I needed some relief, but I was good.

Fast forward, hours later I’m getting so close, I’m at destination station my doctor says and he’s even a little shocked by it all. He tells me I’ll practice pushing soon. So I practiced pushing for probably an hour. I felt good, and I was ready! All of a sudden, my machine starts going off super LOUD and my doctor is wondering what’s going on?! He sees I’m elevated, and he guessed me, my baby or both of us had spiked a fever. Well now… everything changed.

He tells me we have to move quickly and if things don’t go the way we hope then we have to see other options. I knew what that meant, and I was doing my best to be trust and surrender and not become fearful.

Ugh, too late.

Everyone was getting jumpy, and I could feel the nerve wrecking energy. I asked my husband to ask everyone to get out and give me space. Such a good man, thank you, Justin! God bless you babe, when you listen it’s wonderful, lol. (I love my husband but sometimes getting him to listen you know…)

This time, thank God he did.

So everybody leaves and it’s just me and my hubby. I asked for my AirPods and I start listening to a fear releasing playlist. All of a sudden, I started feeling like I was no longer in the hospital room. I was floating above the clouds. I was in the Heavenly realm, I believe. It was swirls of pink and purple and it was angelic and I had angels near me. And I could hear God speaking to me. Telling me to BREATHE and to trust. I said I’m trying, asking for help, and he continued to remind me to breathe.

So I started breathing and I felt just lifted by this beautiful realm all around me. I felt safe.

Next thing I know was truly surreal, I heard my doctor yell to me, “Get ready to pushhhh we are going!” And I hear God say take a deep BREATH and so I do and whoa. I’m back in my body, and I can see I’m right there and I push with all my strength (Gods strength), and there is Arley!!!! On my chest!!! 9 lbs 3 Oz of her!!!!

I was in shock and disbelief!!! Honestly!

From that moment of being in postpartum…euphoria, as Justin described it (being that I had PPD with Amelia and quite a bit of anxiety from the start), Justin was so grateful to see me in such a good place.

This was a miracle and divine restoration in so many ways!! After I experienced this true miracle in such a chaotic and uncertain time in the world, I chose to get certified as a Breathwork Coach so I could help every mother who wanted to learn how to not only regulate, but shift and rewire their mindset, align their body with peace and healing and find deeper faith: The ALI method (Align Live Inspire), bringing you back to the authenticity of who you are as a soul. The way God divinely Designed you!

Breathwork and learning how to regulate my nervous system daily and having the right tools not only helped me achieve my VBAC, but it brought me to a whole next level of peace in motherhood.

Now I’m a mama of three and had my son Abel at home. And thanks to Breathwork, I was able to also handle some complications that came up.

Our nervous system is the operating system of our body, and we need to make sure it’s always in alignment.

As a mama who struggled in so many ways with anxiety, exhaustion, depression and so much more, I’m here to support mamas on this journey.

If this is tugging at your heart, book a free call with me and let’s have a chat – some tea/coffee & you and me : calendly.com/alilevinedesign

Mamas, don’t ever let yourself think you can’t do something btw. I hope whether we connect on a call or not, you’ll follow me at @alilevinedesign and we can connect in the DMs, and I can support you.

You are SO worthy! You are so capable and when we align our nervous system, in a place to receive, it all shifts!!

This is the way God designed us to THRIVE!!

I’m here to help you thrive!!

Also, before you finish reading this, let’s take a few deep breaths together and drop in.

I know it’s so easy to get caught up in motherhood and not have time for you, but you’re worth it and it’s needed. That took me a long time to learn too.

Ok. Close your eyes or just focus. Take a deep breath in your nose and blow out your mouth.

Take a deep breath in your nose again and blow out. Repeat this three times for three times.

While you do, just focus on peace. A prayer, a scripture, an intention, whatever resonates in your heart. Inhale that in and then release, exhale and let go of the heaviness in this moment or from your day.

After the last round of three, take another deep breath in and just say “Thank you God, for meeting me right here in my kitchen, in my car, in whatever spot,” wherever you are mama. “I surrender this and give it to you.” And breathe it all fully out and feel yourself let it go.

Roll your shoulders back, give yourself a little heart massage as I like to say, and now see how you feel.

That’s a simple drop in.

You can also journal after on what came up while you were breathing and what are you releasing, surrendering in the moment and what am I breathing into to bring more confidence and strength and peace.

I’m here for you mama. From one formerly anxious, exhausted, over doing mama to a peaceful, calm and joyful mama, I send you so much love and give you lots of grace on your journey. If I can support you in anyway, reach out. I’d love to connect with you. 🤍

We need a tribe in motherhood to move through with grace and ease. And also so we don’t go crazy, right?! Haha!!

XOX