I want to preface this blog post by saying this: Here at The VBAC Link we realize that sometimes, C-sections are very necessary for the health and life of mom and baby.
We are SO grateful to have the life saving skills and medical technology available to us.
However, C-sections are often over used, leaving women feeling taken advantage of and causing, in some cases, severe trauma and PTSD. We created this post to shed light on some of that trauma to create a stronger awareness of what some women are left with feeling after such a difficult experience.
Some time ago, I asked a large group of women who felt like their cesarean births were not birth to complete this sentence “My c-section was…” I am completely humbled by their responses, they are eye opening. I’ve got 30 pages (THIRTY!) worth of responses, just like the ones listed below.
We as C-section moms want to be heard, and not just told to be grateful. This is the reality that we are living in, and here is a glimpse of theirs, used with permission and the promise of anonymity…
My c-section made me feel numb, powerless, violated, and broken.
My c-section made me feel like a failure.
My c section made me feel like my body betrayed me.
My c-section made me feel like I was lied to and taken advantage of for no reason. My c section caused additional healing time, going on 8 yrs for emotional pain.
My c-section was dehumanizing and left me with Postpartum depression and PTSD.
My cesarean made me feel inconvenient, ignorant, cheated. (Though not so much the cesarean itself, but the treatment/”professional” motivation leading up to it).
My c-section made me feel like I was deceived. It has created a distrustful attitude toward the medical profession.
My c-section made me feel powerless, broken – I failed my son, I failed my self.
My c section made me feel like just another dollar bill in my doctors pocket – I wasn’t human, I wasn’t a patient.
My CS made me feel like I wasn’t really a mother.
My c-section made me feel like a failure. And my c-section was traumatizing and rushed. Not a single nurse listened or answered any of my questions. I still cry and get extreme anxiety thinking of my sons birth 7 months after.
My c section was very traumatizing and I felt unheard as I screamed in pain and was told to be quiet, because I felt the whole surgery.
My c-section was traumatic and made me feel cheated out of my daughter’s birth. It was suddenly and coldly pushed on me, and I trembled and cried the entire time while everyone worked on and around me without acknowledging or offering any comfort.
My c section made me feel uneducated. I had no idea the risks of induction and no idea that there was no real medical reason for my failed induction.
My c-section was unnecessary and it made feel like a failure. (I was so depressed for months about it, and still have my days 18 months later and I am so tired of people saying get over it at least you had a healthy baby).
My c-section made me feel like I didn’t try hard enough, like my ability to birth future babies is now defined by a lack of effort with my first.
I had incredible anxiety as I sat in front of the operating room for my third section which was scheduled. I wanted to run. I wasn’t in labor and wasn’t ready. But I didn’t know I had a choice.
My c section made me feel as though i had been robbed! I couldn’t believe that it was possible to feel like someone stole your birth from u…. At the time it was like i got preyed upon since i just wanted my baby to be healthy but after he was out i realized he was just fine they just forced it on me because it was easier for them! Smh
My c-section was traumatizing. I was the last person to hold my daughter. Between the doctor and nurses telling me were both going to die if I didn’t do it to reading my report and it saying it was elective. I now have extreme anxiety. It made me feel defeated, helpless, weak, broken, mutilated, violated, untrusting, and less of a woman/mother.
***
My heart hurts for these women and SO many others who felt robbed of their birth.
I am seeing a trend in our society. Even a movement in the name if inclusion and acceptance, calling for and pushing recognition for women who deliver their babies by cesarean to be as satisfied with their form of delivery as women who birth vaginally.
Terms such as “belly birth” and “abdominal birth” are being used to try and normalize cesarean delivery.
I recognize the good intention of this trend but, for many women it is NOT the same. It simply is not. Webster defines birth as “the emergence of a baby or other young from the body of its mother; the start of life as a physically separate being.”
The very literal definition does not specify the way in which baby emerges. So, what do I mean? As long as the baby is removed, the woman MUST have given birth, right? Not always…
Let me explain. Yes, a baby was physically removed from the body of a woman which technically gives her a check mark in the birth box.
However, what this completely disregards is the emotional and physiologic component of birth. Many cesarean women are completely deprived of this experience.
While they dream of a baby being immediately pulled up to their chest after birth instead it is pulled out of their stomach and whisked away to a cold bin to be kept warm by blankets rather than on mothers chest.
They envision turning red while pushing under the bright lights of a hospital or calmly breathing the baby out in a birth pool at home. Instead they are wheeled into a cold O.R., crying, exhausted, fearful, and even sometimes protesting the whole way.
They face weeks or months of difficult recovery instead of days. Add to that the postpartum period where they begin to question what happened to them or their baby.
Maybe breastfeeding failed because of the physical pain that came with nursing, or delayed bonding.
Maybe they are so overwhelmed with narcotic pain relief that they cannot properly bond with their baby.
Maybe they have become aware of things they could have done to avoid their cesarean.
Maybe their minds begin to fill with doubt… “What if I waited to get the epidural?”, “What if I labored in a different position?”, “What if I had decided against induction?”, “What if I had asked for a second opinion?”, “What if I…”. The emotional toll of cesarean birth is REAL.
Here’s some data for you… In 2013, 32.7% of first time mothers in the United States gave birth by C-section.
Nearly one third of the women in this country were told that their body was not capable of birthing a baby through their vagina. Since 99% of c-sections for first time mothers are not planned, one third of women were in various stages of emotional duress as they were being wheeled into the operating room to have their baby surgically removed from them. One third of women did not EMOTIONALLY birth their baby. Of this third, only 10% of them will attempt a future vaginal birth due to the inability to find a supportive provider or due to the outdated belief of “once a c-section, always a c-section”.
We need to do better! Providers, doulas, mothers, fathers, everyone! How can we impress upon first time mothers the need to educate themselves on Cesarean prevention? How can we encourage women to become truly informed of their options and of the risks associated with certain procedures? How can we implement TRUE informed consent? By speaking out! By sharing our stories!
So next time you see a woman who has had a Cesarean birth, ask her how she is handling it. Validate her experience. Listen to her as she shares with you and if she opens up to you, please PLEASE do not tell her to be grateful that her and her baby are alive. That is definitely a very important thing but, NOT the only important thing.
THIS is why I am a doula.
THIS is why I am so passionate about VBAC.
THIS is why I am insistent about first time mothers becoming educated, truly educated about birth and cesarean prevention.
THIS is why I will tell you when I think your provider is setting the stage to give you a C-section.
Pregnancy after C-section is hard. Understanding vaginal birth after C-section can be even harder. This is why we are here. This is why we offer online VBAC preparation classes and Advanced VBAC Doula Certification courses.
THIS IS WHY WE MUST DO BETTER!
Hear my story on episode 3 of our podcast.
Nervous about your upcoming VBAC? Our Ultimate VBAC Course for Parents will teach you everything you need to know to deliver your baby with confidence.
Register today, and feel fully prepared to bring a new life into the world — the natural way.
#WhyWeVBAC, Join the Movement!
Julie this is a bit ridiculous for some of us who need c sections due to the fact that our babies have serious health issues. I have to have a c section in a few weeks because my baby has a life limiting condition and there are huge risks to both of us if vaginal birth was attempted. I already feel like I have failed my baby because of all the issues they have to go through and seeing things like this is less than helpful. Plus all the pushing of the ptsd stories has now just frightened me. I wish I hadn’t found your website.
Of course, Cesareans save lives and we are grateful for them when they do. You definitely did NOT fail your baby, you are incredibly strong and going through some hard things to make sure they are safe and as healthy as can be. Cesarean births can be very healing and empowering. We are working on a post about family-centered Cesarean that will post in a couple of weeks. Our intention is to bring to light ALL sides of birth and a lot of Cesareans are unnecessary. It sounds like yours is very necessary and I am very grateful that you are getting the care that you and your baby need. I would encourage you to work through your trauma and triggers and avoid sites that will make you feel this way. Pregnancy and motherhood are hard enough as it is and I truly wish you health and healing as you get ready to meet your sweet baby.
-Julie
Julie I just read your article and it describes exactly what happened to me. I had an absolutely normal pregnancy. In my 39th week I had a bit of spotting for which I called the triage. The midwives were confident it was a show and baby was doing great, but the doctors scared me by saying they can’t say for sure, even without checking my bleed and that it’s best to induce because baby may suddenly become ill. Long story short I agreed to the induction, inspite of all my instincts telling me not to. My heart broke when they broke my waters. I wasn’t ready, my body wasn’t , my baby wasn’t.
In the end, all the induction stressed our poor baby and her trace became dangerously worrying, they rushed me into emergency c section.
We nearly lost our baby and are so glad we have her with us, but to think that my one decision could have changed the course of things still haunts me..and I think will forever do.
I hope this post helps some momma somewhere make a wiser choice.
Hi. Ive just come across this page after having a cry about the birth of my daughter 8 years ago. Yes im still mad and yet i don’t carry the pain everyday. Its just things that trigger it like today being a day my friends child was born. Thats when the memories flood back in and I overthink it all again. I had a normal pregnancy and my waters started leaking dead on 40 weeks. I was told if I didnt go into labour overnight I’d have to be induced the next day. I assumed that meant start the labour off and push bub out like I easily did with my first with no intervention. Completely uneducated on induction I wasnt aware how much more painful it would be. The doctors came in only a couple of hours after being on the drip and my baby’s heart rate wasn’t good. I had no breaks between the contractions and I was only 2cm dilated so they took me straight up for emergency caesarian. At the time i thought this was all normal practise but once its played over and over in my head .the doctors word to me as we got to the operating theatre. He said. Oh baby and your heart rate have dropped back to normal now. In hind sight I realise its because I was no longer on that silly drip. I keep wishing I had said turn me around and take me back down to my room so I could labour naturally when I was ready but I had no prior understanding to what was actually happening and let them perform the ceasarian. Since then I have always felt ripped off. At the time they told me her cord was round her neck and that was why. But further reading has informed me that, that infant is quite common and just an excuse doctors use to make you feel better about the procedure. I dont believe I was given adequate time to labour naturally. Glad I came across this page where I could get the thoughts out of my head and on to paper so to speak as I’ve been spiralling around the last few hours. I guess I’ll never know what the outcome would of been if I had been given a few more hours to try by myself and I think that’s where alot of my frustration comes in. If I knew I needed it 100 percent there would be no anger or guilt attached. And its a thought that will never truly leave me. Yes my daughter is a beautiful healthy 8 year old and thats all that should matter i suppose. Thanks for this space.
Thank you so so much for this post and for all the c section mamas’ comments. I am struggling with accepting two c sections when my biggest wish (besides healthy babies) was to experience an all natural vaginal birth. I will never experience that. Rather I am left (for the second time) feeling disappointed, shameful, angry, confused and honestly envious of those who got a positive natural birth experience. I too get the ‘…at least you have two healthy children’ or ‘if this had been in the old days…’. But I feel that I’ve trained for and run two marathons only to be run over by a bus, dragged over the finishing line while drugged, being handed a medal before being beaten up. So painful dealing with this when all I want is to be proud of my body and joyful about my children. Your post made me feel less alone, that my feelings are valid and that I am probably looking into a much longer therapy treatment than I’d ever wished for.